Axiomas de uma ciência proscrita

É verdade, por mais que vos digam que é impossivel existir uma ciência do singular, tal estupidez está empiricamente provada errada por este magnifico conjunto de factos sobre o Chuck Norris que eu perdi tempo de vida a ordenar seleccionar de um site qualquer

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.


e o grande final:

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.



Ps: Pastor também temos de fazer uma lista nossa de factos. Por exemplo
"qualquer passe do Quaresma é um bom passe independentemente do resultado, pois apanha sempre o adversário de surpresa"